ࡱ> gifk mbjbjZ Z 78cb8cbe FFFFFZZZZD$ZIKKKKKK$"foFoFFFFIIYj#gR50"""Ftoo" B : THE CLIFF By Nadia Madenspacher 2022 West Virginia Fiction Competition, Judges Choice Winner Each year the Judges of the WV Fiction Competition, who select the 8-10 finalist stories sent to the Heritage Writer to select winners, choose the best story from among middle and high school students who have entered the competition. In 2022, Nadia Madenspacher, who was at the time an eighth-grade student at Mountain Ridge Middle School in Berkeley County, was chosen for this honor. Today Nadia attends Musselman High School. Her story The Cliff was selected as Judges Choice for the sophistication of language and narrative, descriptive ability. Here are suggestions for revision that editor Mary Barker made, including comments about usage and punctuation, lower level writing errors. The story below is the final draft that Nadia submitted for anthology consideration: These are some simple errors that everyone makes and are super easy to fix. Ive marked them with comments above, but make sure you do a reread to catch anything else you think could use revisionwriting is a continual process, especially fiction. A piece is never really finished; it can always be edited, revised, or added to on the whim of the writer. Your setting and descriptions are really good! I was able to clearly picture your story, several bits of which made me laugh and smile. Aside from some punctuation, spelling, and word choice changes, and incorporating some additional details in places, I thought your submission was great writing . . . [and] I hope these comments are helpful to you and that you will always continue to write! When looking back at her favorite memories of living in the mountains, there were always a few that jumped out to Mac. Her favorite must have been a particular day in the dreariness of January. It stood out like a bright flashing city sign surrounded by dull gray cement blocks. A day of chest heaving laughter that made her younger self wonder that maybe, just maybe, happiness wasnt an intangible thing. A reminder to never let fear and doubt control her. She had been in seventh grade at the time, but school bore not a single notion for her the moment she had pulled the blinds to her window up the day before. It wasnt quite a blizzard, but it was settled as the best snow she would see for years to come. Through the glass of her window, she could see her steep front yard transitioning into trees till the slope elevated at the main gravel road. Not a blade of grass in sighther eyes could search the snowy scene all day long, but no sign of green was to be found. Past the road, the trees began to ascend once more into the mountain, but it was lost in the blurring white flakes that covered the sky. It seemed to have been natures favorite color that day: white. It was cold last night, Macs father had remarked during breakfast, while he brewed his usual cup of coffee. I bet those roads froze over real good. She listened to her family stumble about the kitchen with contentment as she poured milk into her bowl of cereal. It had been a relief to get a break from school. With the frigid temperatures and her mother claiming that she was so light that the wind would whisk her away, going outside was not an option that day. Instead, Mac had spent most of her time closed up in her room reading Little Women, one of her favorite classics. Of course, they had the next day off from school, too. When she woke up, she could already see the warm light peeking through the blinds. Grinning to herself, she pulled up the blinds a second day in a row to see the outside world shimmering like sunbeams hitting glass. The sun must have been busy that daylight was refracting off almost everything it hit. Her favorite part of the view was the trees, though. They were covered in ice, giving them a crystalized look when the sun shone. Beautiful. It made Mac feel like she had woken up in some otherworldly, magical place. No matter the season, trees had never failed to look gorgeous in Macs eyes. Perhaps since the previous day had been filled with lethargy, it was inevitable for the next to be full of action and adventure. Mac couldnt remember when the decision was made, but she was sure the reason for the change in atmosphere was her mothers idea. Being social, as her mom would say, was accordingly something Mac failed to do as often as her mom would prefer. Mac remembered inviting her friends to her home and meeting them at a gas station in town to pick them up, but she had forgotten how most of the morning had begun. Likely, though, it started with her lying in bed reading for a half an hour straight before tentatively going to the kitchen for breakfast. Once Mac and her friends were back at her home, they strapped on their snow gear. Mac started by pulling her snow pants over the sweatpants and hoodie she wore, securing the straps around her shoulders so they wouldnt fall down. She was sure to double-knot the laces of her snow boots and check the Velcro on her mittens in case any rough tumbles would dislodge them. After her mittens were on, it became difficult to pull her cozy green beanie over her ears, but she was practiced in such tasks. Violet, however, was not. For all her brains, her lack of experience in anything snow related was shown rather painfully when Mac witnessed her putting her gloves on before her snow boots. Take those useless things off, she ordered, marching over to her friend. Mittens work betterthey keep fingers warmer. Hey, these are a perfectly good pair of gloves. You just dont like em cause theyre pink, Violet argued as Mac started to pull the noisy Velcro straps off. Violet's mouth was pulled in a straight line, but she didnt attempt to pull away from Mac. Mac glanced distastefully at the hot pink gloves she had successfully ripped from Violets grasp. Not only were they a disgustingly bright neon pink, but they were built to be as useful as an old pair of dingy gardening gloves. The last thing she wanted was for Violet to wear those godforsaken things on her hands and proceed to complain about how cold they were the moment they went outside. To avoid that prospect, Mac raced to the basement, jumping over her cat as she bolted down the steps. The basement was still unfinished. There were storage bins in every hiding place they could find and ugly foil looking insulation covering the walls. Later, her parents, with the assistance of Mac and her brother, would finish basement to look like it had never seen the days of smelly mismatching carpets and randomly labeled storage containers. Mac was good at coordinating her way around the mess. She weaved through her brothers dirty socks and grabbed a pair of her old mittens from the hope chest. They were too small to fit comfortably on her fingers anymore, but they would settle well on Violets tiny hands. Here, Mac began to put the mittens on her friends hands without further initiative the moment she was in her living room again. These will work better. Violet bit back an argument as her friend immediately stooped down to help her put on her boots after she had deemed the mittens on her hands secure. Mac had taken off her own mittens in order to help her friend get her gear on and she was beginning to sweat in heavy getup, but she just shrugged and continued to help her friend. Though shed never admit it to any of her friends at the time, being around them tended to brighten her mood, even if the way she acted seemed to point to the contrary. Mac eyed Violets right leg, where she knew the brace was on to help where surgeries had not. Violet had all the right reasons for not sledding much in her youth. As she finished tying the laces on Violets boots, Mac waved at the leg, Tell me if you get tired or it starts hurting. Then Ill pull you up on a sled. So can I, Jessie Lynn added helpfully beside them as she covered her dirty blonde hair with a hat. She was shorter than Mac, her face still round with youth and her chest flat, but she grew taller than Mac as they grew older. The girl was experienced with sledding, but Mac doubted that shed enjoy walking back up the steep inclines by herself, let alone dragging another person on a sled behind her. Then again, Mac thought, as to not make herself a hypocrite, I doubt Id enjoy it much either. You know, Im not completely helpless! Violet complained as Mac stood to tuck a hat over her long, glossy black hair braided in pigtails. The hair never seemed to look unruly, something Mac could never accomplish with her own frizzy mop. Besides, Violet looked at Mac with pinched lips, You could just take us on the less steep areasthen no one has to go dragging me around and everything. The sudden need for Mac to roll her eyes became unbearable, but she resolved to simply ignore any further suggestions her friends decided to make. Whatever, she said before calling out to the fourth member of their group, Riley, you ready? Nu-huh, replied the figure lying across the hardwood floors while attempting to pet the cat. She had finished putting all her snow gear on first and almost went outside without waiting for the others. Then, she found herself distracted by the jumpy tabby. Where to first? she asked, pushing herself off the ground to tower over the other three, The Cliff? Having spent the most time at Macs house out of the three, Riley knew about almost all the trails and hideout places that littered the property. Mac shook her head, though, Actually, I think its time we pay Jack and Danny a visit. Along the ridge sat a row of five houses, all about a football field away from one another. Beside Macs house was Jack and Dannys. A few years ago, not long after Macs family moved, the two brothers knocked on their front door and asked Mac and her own brother if they wanted to play. The gesture was spontaneous to her, but they accepted the invitation. An awkward day that was the start of what would be years of friendship. That snow day, however, Mac was the one to knock on the door. As she waited for an answer with her friends, she reached down affectionately to scratch her neighbors golden retriever behind the ears. Even in his old age, the dog called Norton still enjoyed sitting out in the snow. Jack and Dannys father, Matt, opened the door. He was hardly surprised to see Mac standing there. Simply smiling at her, he called over his shoulder, Daniel, Mac is here! A few seconds of silence, thenOk, daddy, just getting my stuff on! The voice sounded down the hallway from the living room. It was higher and juvenile, making it painfully obvious that Danny had yet to be introduced to the struggles of puberty. Matt smiled at the four of them and politely invited them to step into the house, out of the cold. He didnt ask them to take their boots off or to even make sure they didnt track any snow in the house, something that Mac always thought to be odd. In her house, her mother would probably pass out at seeing the girls track snow on the floor. Mac made small talk with Matt and his wife, Sara, while they waited for Danny. For her friends parts, they resolved to stand timidly close to the doorsave for Riley, who comfortably added to the conversation like she knew the two parents her whole life. To their relief, Violet and Jessie Lynn were saved when Danny boldly announced his presence by taking a running head start before sliding down the hallway on his stomach, the coat screeching with noise as it rubbed against the floor. He bounded up to his feet the moment he stopped sliding. Hey, Mac! he grinned before turning to the other three girls, one of whom he didnt know. The energy, Mac thought, struggling to keep her eyebrows from arching at him. Her name is Jessie Lynn. Mac told him and he nodded, but she could almost see the information going in one ear and out the other. While Danny was really only one year younger than she, Mac suspected their maturity levels were far more strained. His emotions swung like a vinealways one extreme or the other. Too many times to count, his happy-go-lucky personality changed to bull-headed anger in a matter of seconds. She had accidentally angered him during a game of frisbee one time, so he threw a rock straight at her head. The one time his aim was actually on point, she thought bitterly, touching a nearly invisible scar close to the scalp of her forehead. So, she said, they had started to walk back out the front door with Danny, No Jack? Danny rolled his eyes and huffed, No, the punk is downstairs playing Fartnite. Ah. Fartnite, or rather, Fortnite, is a weird video game, one of Jacks recent obsessions. The two younger neighbors had begun to nickname it Fartnite when the obsession got so bad it caused Jack to stop joining their outside play. Mac hated the phase, but if she remembered correctly, by that next summer, he ended up spending more time at their house than his own. He began preferring to join her family for a game of monopoly or just simply a nice dinner over sulking in the basement with his games. Even without Jack and her brother with them like usual, Mac was in high spirits as the crew made their way to the backyard. Like the front, the backyard also sloped downwards into the woods before continuing to evolve into another wondrous mountain. Anywhere she looked, a mountain could be seen shimmering like her mothers blown glass vase when the afternoon light seeped through the curtains. You dont seriously expect us to sled off of that, do you? Violet asked Mac, interrupting her peaceful thoughts. Violets eyebrows were raised in disbelief and the stoniness set in those near-black eyes told Mac she should probably not push her luck. Violet continued, gesturing to Macs all-time favorite sledding place, You do know you could get seriously hurt sledding off of that, right? Could. Lets think positively. That, as Violet referred to, was a place Mac and her ragtag band of neighbors liked to call The Cliff. Behind Jack and Dannys house, the slope of the yard dropped abruptly faster for about ten to fifteen feet before greeting the woods. They couldnt really say it was an actual cliff, but it was the closest thing they had to one. The slope was rather steep itself; they would usually start their sledding trail at the side of the house, picking up speed down it while trying to dodge sinkholes and large rocks. Then they would simply fly over the edge, whooping for all and yonder. Admittedly, Violets worry about getting hurt wasnt wrongfully addressed. Mac could name a number of times shed nearly injured herself while riding off The Cliff. Once, she managed to get herself entangled in a thorn bush after accidentally steering off course. Another time, her sled practically malfunctioned as it bumped into a rock and flung her off and over. She wasnt sure how, but she still remembered doing a front flip in midair before hitting the icy ground rather hard. Mac could probably continue to reminisce about all the times shed almost gotten sent to the ER, but a brilliant idea began to form in her mind as the five of them studied the slope. Danny she began slowly as her cold, chapped lips turned upwards. You dont happen to still have that bike ramp in the garage? I meanit would surely be a shame if we didnt use it more often. Mac and Danny wore identical grins that could be compared to one of a mad scientist as they drug the cheap black plastic bike ramp from the garage to the slope. Violet groaned as to the idea Mac indicated, while Jessie Lynn cocked her head in interest and Riley smirked knowingly. Mac pointedly ignored them and placed the ramp on the edge of The Cliff, angling it until she was satisfied. Danny began to scoop up snow into his arms and they both worked to cover the ramp white. As they stepped back to admire their handiwork, Violet shook her head dejectedly, You two are crazy. Why thank you! It was beyond her, but Mac had strangely always found those statements to be taken with prideit felt more like a compliment to be called crazy than an insult. Perhaps it was some strange West Virginian trait she inherited. So, Danny looked like a kid with candy as he pointed towards the ramp. Anyone going with us? Mac was ever so inclined to describe their answers as a no, but she wouldve fainted in surprise if even one of them had so much as conveyed any slight interest in their daredevilry. After you, she said to Danny, motioning to the top of the slope. Ohhh yeah! he shouted, making a run up the slope as he grabbed his neon lime saucer sled. Already, a few cracks and scrapes lined the cheap plastic; every year they had to buy another set of sleds from Walmart since they were always breaking. The remaining four girls steered clear of Dannys sledding path when he reached the top of the slope. Violet peered over the edge of The Cliff nervously while Riley simply settled into the snow looking like she should be in a movie theater with popcorn in her hand instead of the snow she was licking. Jessie Lynn sat near the ledge, watching with her friends as Danny began to grip the handles of his saucer, prepared for flight. None of them were aware of the nervous pit in their friends stomach as she waited for her turn. Danny took in the four pairs of impatient eyes and decided it was his time to shine. He threw his sled in front of him and jumped to it, bellowing, CANNONBALL! as he went. In a split second, he landed with his legs crisscrossed in the saucer and was desperately grabbing the handles at the side of it while he plowed, full speed ahead, down the slope. He needs to work on his steering, Mac thought to herself, studying his movements with the sled. He had never been the best at controlling the direction his sled went in, always accidentally branching off from a set sled trail until there were at least five different forks in the path. To add to that, if there was a rock in a ten-foot radius of Danny, his sled would find it. Being thrown off course by a rock that was exactly what happened to Danny during that moment. With a mind of its own, Dannys saucer sled switched direction when it bumped over a small bulge in the ground. Oh crap! was all Danny could get out, seeing himself miss the bike ramp by a few feet before he flew over the edge of The Cliff. A small crash and the sound of breaking branches as they clapped spiritedly to her neighbors sledding display, but Mac remained unconcerned in comparison to her counterparts. You alright, Danny? Violet called out, all of them walking closer to the edge of the drop. Danny lay lazily across the icy ground, now tainted with dirt and dead leaves due to his sled ride stirring the ground. Yeah, why? he asked, oblivious to her concern as he heaved himself off the ground with a groan. I hate this part! he complained (mostly to himself) about his inevitable climb back up The Cliff. The neighbors could all agree, sledding involved three steps: riding down the slope, lying for ten minutes at the bottom of it, and walking back up the slope. Mac stood there, studying the path she would soon take on her sled once Danny was finished climbing back up. She had sled off The Cliff several times before, but each time a pit of dread would come, followed by a joyful sense of relief when she landed safely and relatively unscathed. Relatively. There was no guarantee of safety with anything if she thought about it, though. Not when shes riding in a car, not when shes swimming in the creek, nor even if shes simply walking down the rock road to her house. Danger was everywhere, but that knowledge certainly didnt help matters much. You better actually go off the ramp. Riley told her when Mac grabbed her own beat-up blue saucer sled. Hey! Danny said defensively, brushing a twig off his shoulder that he acquired from his climb, I wouldve gone off it, but that stupid rock was in my way! He glared at said rock, lying innocently on the slope, three yards from the ramp. Clearly, the rock made him angry since he stomped over to the thingwhich must weigh at least two poundsand kicked it. The pain that went through his foot seemed to offend him more as he continued to kick it, looking like a maniac with his eyes wide and focus on the rock. Mac made herself forcefully bite her tongue so Danny wouldnt think she was laughing at him but seeing Jessie Lynns open mouth and Violets raised brows was too much for her. Danny she struggled for breath, Oh, god Danny! Move, dude, so I can sled. Humph, he surprisingly obliged, narrowing his eyes to look at the rock one last time, Punk Mac took that as her cue to start up the slope with her saucer in hand. She watched as her boots left imprints in the snow and made a game of following Dannys previous boot tracks. She could distantly hear Danny telling her friends a story shed already heard before. The shortened tale was that two of his uncles laid on the ground and let Danny jump over them on his bike using the very same ramp she was about to use. Fear crept in as she turned at the top of the slope to face The Cliff. All her layers of warmth began to feel unnecessary. Why did she want to do this? What made dangerous games like this so fun? Whatever the answer was, it made Mac clench her teeth together and steel her eyes. Backing down from a challenge wasnt in her nature. She slid her mittens along the rim of the plastic saucer until she felt the dirty nylon straps. She gripped them tightly on each side before jumping into the air in a single, fluid motion. Both Mac and Danny jumped on their sled for speed, but unlike how Danny landed with his legs crisscrossed, Mac landed on her knees. Theyll be bruised tomorrow, Mac realized when her landing brought a spike of pain down her legs. Oh, well. She had to focus on steering her sled to stay on course of the ramp. There it was. It sat by the edge of The Cliff awaiting her. She gained in speed as she approached it, but instead of her recent nervousness, Mac found herself grinning in anticipation. Then, she was there. It went so fast as Mac was catapulted into the air. She was on the ground then she wasnt. Then, she was flyingno, she was soaring. Gravity had to find her eventually, but for a moment in time, Mac thought it might not. Adrenaline pulsed through her blood and fear left her completely. Yah-hoooo! Mac whooped. Unfortunately, she could not soar forever, therefore that meant the only thing to do was to come down. Mac went down with a bang. She dislodged several rocks in a tumble and before she knew it, she had gone to a full stop. Arghhh she groaned as she heard tree branches smacking together. She looked downward in a daze to see a skinny tree trunk in between her legs. It was still painful, but all Mac could think was thank god Im not a boy. Mac heard laughter coming from the top of The Cliff. She could scarcely hear Violet saying, I saw that! I cant believe I saw that! and Riley asking the rhetorical question,How did she manage to hit a tree? She couldnt blame her friends for laughing at her, though. Mac had just sled off a bike ramp right, smack-dab into a tree; that was the kind of crap people seem to go viral about in the media. My poor privates! she shouted, only making their riot of laughter worse. Mac couldnt help but join in with it as she put her hands behind her and pushed herself from the dirt-stained snow. The poor tree! Violet countered. She was sitting on her knees and leaning over the edge with crinkled eyes. You almost broke it! She looked like a bird hitting a window! Danny remarked, standing on the dangerously uneven ramp. Mac shrugged, digging into the side of The Cliff to find a rock or root that wouldnt shift under pressure. It didnt hurt that much. she told them honestly, pulling her blue saucer from the grasp of a small thorn bush. All she had to do was climb up and then it was over. An odd feeling of lightness came over her chest as she kicked her foot into the snow to grab a foothold. She had done it. She had swallowed her fear and sled off The Cliff. Not only that, but she catapulted herself, like a bug hitting a windshield, into a tree. That made it even better. Sledding into a tree: it was a memory permanently engraved in her mind. Mac was heaving and out of breath when she reached the top of The Cliff, but that didnt stop her from looking at Violet with a mischievous glint in her eyes and asking, Wanna go next? Are you crazy? she asked, horrified at the idea of even thinking about going down the steep slope. On occasion. Oh, come on! Danny intervened, Riley, you and Macs friend should do it if Violet wont! He still referred to Jessie Lynn as Macs friend, and there was little doubt that he not would continue to do so. Or, Mac decided to stop him before any protesting happened, knowing none of her friends would give in, We could go to the front slopefar less steep, might I addand do a bit of good ol sledding there. Mac watched Violet purse her lips, still slightly wary of sledding, but welcoming to a far less dangerous terrain. Youll be okay, Mac told her seriously, And Vi, I promise not to let you hit any of the trees. Violet nodded and picked up her borrowed sled. Mac hadnt meant to break any promises or swallow her words, but if she remembered as well as Violet did, that this day ought not to consist of more than one tree-slamming event. Both of them faced their fears that day, though, and would continue to do so the rest of their lives. Of course, Mac couldnt predict the future so she just smiled and addressed the group of teenage sledders, After we do that slope, I reckon itd be time to blow this freezing popsicle stand and get us some hot chocolate. Mac did keep her word on that.   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